2010年 Jun 2日 Wednesday, 2:28

I've always had a habit of sharing the things I find such as music, art, links, etc. with all my friends, not to prove anything to anyone but merely because I get so excited by my discoveries I can't bear to keep them to myself. Sadly, i have a friend who accuses me of not knowing who he is or respecting his knowledge, even though at one point I've considered him one of my bestest friends. To be sure I'm not one to toss the title around lightly. To bestow best friend status on someone means there has been high amount of respect and admiration that has been earned.

It wasn't until recently that I realized the lack of reciprocation wasn't because he didn't have anything to add but rather that he keeps a lot of his inspirations and interests to himself. I've tried coaxing it out of him by persistently asking if he's into anything new or sharing something personal in the hopes that he'd open up to build a deeper connection but for some reason the barrier stays up and me out. I pick up on them occasionally and almost always indirectly. For example I might know what he's into or what he likes through social media sites (i.e. last.fm). When asked specifically about something the most I'll get is "yup it's good". it would be alright if it wasn't held against me as if I am so out of touch that I misunderstand him completely, though i'm sure he'd say the problem has all to do with me. It saddens me because i feel like I'm being cast out of a private clubhouse for no discernible reason. The worst bit is, I know deep down he believes I can't relate to who he is even though the honest to goodness truth is that the responsibility partially lied with him.

Sigh. So I guess the lesson here I was mistaken to consider him a best friend at all.