I'm sick of myself. Sick and tired of the fact that the following lyrics still represent almost everything I am and feel. I've had it. I don't want it no more.

the cure - spilt milk

I don't think I ever know
If I ever really want it
Could be why I'm never sure
If I ever really got it
And I guess it's maybe easier
Not to think too much about it…
A house a car a family and friends
Yeah all it means to justify the ends
But sometimes… I wonder…
In the back of my mind
Sometimes……

"My poems are only scratchings
on the floor of a
cage"
- charles bukowski - eaten by butterflies

This man was a genius. The sun is hot.

I'm despairing. So did Adrian Borland…

"And we've broken our fingers
Broken our faith
Broken our hearts so many times
They can't be broken anymore
Scratched away at the walls for years
All we've got to show is the dust on the floor
And here it comes, a new dark age

- the sound - the new dark age

“If there’s anyone out there that cares, who wants to see music to continue to exist as an art for but not a commercial good, then now’s the time to make a change, because that’s where it’s going, and it will no longer be real music if we keep letting them shove it down our fucking throats.”

- Conor Oberst

Do you hear that, all you soulless fucking abominations out there?!

Few bands mean as much to me as Joy Division does and few lyricists speak to my inner being as Ian Curtis does.
I discovered them when I was a lanky, insecure 17 year old, four-eyed freak of a boy, trying to find myself in this myriad of an existence.
Now, not much has changed. I'm still haunted by demons and Ian Curtis is still singing my life.
The following songs are this nights favourites.

sound of music
- See my true reflection
Cut off my own connections
I can see life getting harder
So sad is this sensation
Reverse…

How can I find the right way to control
All the conflicts inside, all the problems beside
As the questions arise, and the answers don't fit
Into my way of things, into my way of things

Ian Curtis (Joy division) - Komakino

Is it wrong not to always be glad? Will the world end in the nighttime? And is there any point ever having children?
Matters such as these are pondered whilst listening to the following gems;

blur - under the westway
- This will undoubtedly be in the top 3, when the time has come to summarize 2012 with a best-of-list.

blur - fool's day
- The fact that Blur ended their career with two singles (this one and Westway) that without a doubt rank among their very, very best is just astonishing.

the verve - history
- Discovered it on…

Days of longing, of missing something fundamental, someone fundamental, days of standing on hollow ground, days of feeling completely without anything real to cling to. But, as always, there is recorded noise to comfort me. This time from the extraordinary Saddle Creek Records and some of their friends.

Maria Taylor - My Favorite... Love
- Because you are and always will be just that.

Maria Taylor - broad daylight
- A surefire way to get the waterworks starting.

m. ward - hold time
- Sheer beauty.

now it's overhead - wonderful scar
- For those memories…

now it's overhead -…

If you feel down, then you're bound to stay down, as someone once said. And there is no Sun Records-t-shirt in the world that can change that. But still I cling, still I try.
And whilst clinging, whilst trying, the following songs pur in the background:

morrissey - the edges are no longer parallel
- Five minutes of pure and simple truth.

morrissey - (I'm) the end of the family line
- Because we all know how it will end.

morrissey - wide to receive
- And I don't
Get along with myself
And I'm not too keen
On…

Here, in pretty much random order, I will list my 20 favourite songs. 20 songs that always move me, 20 songs that have been with me for quite some time, songs that fit all of my moods, songs I shall cherish as much today as the day I draw my last breath.
It's gonna be tough, but in comparison with dealing with real problems, this is a walk in a pretty little park.

The smiths - there is a light that never goes out
- The greatest song by the greatest band of all time.

Joy division - love will…