In love. Unfortunately, with someone I shouldn't be. Life is tricky. There's nothing more for me to do, just watch, and feel happy that I at least can watch. Nice..

Well, I'm finally allowed to drink alcohol, smoke et cetera et cetera. I'm eighteen!
and actually I feel like eighteen. Pretty weird. Well, very weird. I guess I have to get used to it. But I had a great birthday party yesterday! It was probably one of the bast moments of my life ^^
Sank you everyone ;**

właśnie straciłam zespół….w ciągu 3 minut straciłam 2 lata pracy w zespole, 2 lata pracy na 13 utworami..wszystko poszło w pizdu. totalna załamka. niechce mi się wiecej pisać.

ciesze sie ostatnimi dniami wolnego internetu…postanowiłam popisac dzisiaj troche po polsku…jakoś tak, nie chce mi się bawić w inny język. wszystko przez "pamiętnik narkomanki" i barbare rosiek. wybrałam twórczość barbary rosiek jako temat maturalny…czytanie tego sprawia, że budze się "ja" do życia..długo pracowałam, żeby zdusić to w sobie i przystosowac sie do schematu normalnośći, nawet mi sie on podoba..mało problemówy, prosty i przejrzysty, nastawiony na szczęście. ale ksiażka budzi instynkty, to też dobrze. jestem zagubiona, mam jakby dwie osobowości, które się przenikaja..czy to na prawde tylko nerwica? cholera wie. wracajac do tematu…ACTA. za niedługo skończy się nasza wolność…zdobywam teraz na…

well, I know I just couldn't stop myself.. I feel terrible. depressed. In five days government will pass new rule about internet privacy, priacy et cetera et cetera. I can't believe it. It is an and of the world for me, just like Mayas said. Sorry for mistakes, but I'm very furious now.

well, nothing great. My alcoholic grandma has just arrived with her problems, with her cigarettes, alcohol and psychic problems…damn it. I just can not look at her. she is just damn pathetic. But still I had to eat dinner with her. it was awful experience. I believe that people should avoid stressful situations…we will live longer than..but sometimes we can't. They are going to stay till evening, and tomorrow my grandpa with his second wife is coming to completely destroy my fathers health. I'm going to shoot myself. I don't know but I feel like learning all those two days…

well, it is almost over…school I mean. The whole grades thing et cetera et cetera. Only one subject left and I will be mentally free. Just mentally. But still. It will be easier for me…no more studying at nights, when I should be sleeping, no more stress and other stuffs. I feel like a prisoner…i come back from school learn, sleep 4 hours and go back to school..I feel like I'm never leaving this place…like in a prison. I do not rest at all. Damn it. My mind is full of this shit and I can not learn no more..I'm…

Well, I am on a diet. from hm, 6 hours. I'm good. Living on the water. Life lost it's taste…But this time I'm strong. I will be. 1,5 of month on a diet. 5 pounds to lost. Piece of cake. I have spoken today on English about death penalty. Stupid bitch didn't give me an A, but B plus. Damn. I need a few points to mark….eh, school. The should prohibit this.
I feel so strong and thin…I will be fine for sure.

I watched "Coffe and Cigarettes" yesterday. Great film. I want coffee now.

Shit happens.

Well, it's been a rough day. I'm completely exhausted. First day of school after week break. I hate that I had to woke up at 6:50 a.m, that I had to go to that place, without washing my hair, cold and that I had to see them. My ex, guy I kissed and guy I secretly loved…god, why do I always have to fall with idiots? Well, I guess I know the answer. I'm alone. I mean I never wanted them for my boyfriends for real relationship, feeling and rest of my life. Even with my ex, I knew it…

well, it went good, till now. how is it, that i was able to completely forget about the kiss? yesterday night i even convinced myself that it was just a dream, that it was alcohol after dream. shit. morning i woke up without thinking about it..well free, and everything now is back. because of one stupid song. i thought that if I focus on myself and school it will go well. it didn't. i guess it hurts because i have been starting to fall in with…and now i know that it's impossible. even if it become possible for me, i…